


What Is Love? (Baby, Don't Hurt Me)

by kinggeraldine (softsana)



Series: Donald & Oompa [1]
Category: Political RPF - US 21st c.
Genre: I'm Going to Hell, I'm Sorry, M/M, Oh My God, Please Don't Hate Me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-05-23 11:10:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6114663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softsana/pseuds/kinggeraldine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Donald finds his happiness with an oompaloompa.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I'm going to hell, basically.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Is Love? (Baby, Don't Hurt Me)

donald stared out the window in silence. the rain poured heavily against the window, and he felt the noise calm him. he was so jittery lately, what with the election coming up so soon. and though he was worried about the outcome, there was something else plaguing his mind.

 

a certain orange skinned creature with a toupèe.

 

no, not himself.

 

an oompaloompa.

 

the ethereal oompaloompa that donald had found himself falling for. and he really didn’t mean for it to happen, really.

 

he had always considered himself straight™. a red blooded american straight™ man. not an _oompasexual_. god no, but ever since oompa marriage had become legal in america, he found himself wondering “ what if _i’m_ an oompasexual ”.  but then he would quickly dismiss the thought, he had the election coming up, and it was unheard of to have an oompasexual as president.

 

then he had met the oompaloompa on friendster, and hit it off. soon they were texting daily, always happy to talk, and learn more about each other.

 

he tried to control himself.

 

but his love become stronger. soon he couldn’t stop thinking about the majestic green haired creature. he could hear the oompaloompa’s whispers as he fell asleep and as he woke up. he remembered the loving words of the oompa every day. and the oompaloompa was a taurus, so compatible with gemini!

 

but, no, their love, no matter how pure, couldn’t be.

 

*************************************************************************************************************

 

“oh no” thought donald. it was the day of his inauguration and _he_ showed up.

 

the oompaloompa.

 

donald hadn’t spoken to the him for weeks, not since their big fight.

 

the oompaloompa wanted to go public, to proclaim their love freely, proudly, but donald was scared. there was no doubt in his mind that he loved the oompaloompa, but the public thought that donald was a straight™, he didn’t want to disappoint them. and he knew what happened to other politicians when they came out as not straight™. and he told the oompaloompa that.

 

_“honey, look what happened to jeb! since he came out as shreksexual! or ted cruz when he came out as mikewozowskisexual! and have you forgotten hillary when she came out as_

_susanboylesexual! honestly oompa, what are you thinking?”_

 

_“ i was t_ hinking _that maybe you would support me for once!” the oompaloompa gurgled in his thick nasally voice._

 

donald had stormed out then. he was a kind, loving, sensitive person, who didn’t deserve the attitude the oompaloompa was giving him.

 

but there he was know, in all his orange and green glory, looking as smexy as ever.

 

how was donald supposed to resist?

 

*************************************************************************************************************

 

as soon as the day had finished, donald came to his new room in the whitehouse.

 

when he got there, he realized that there was someone sitting on the bed, dressed in traditional oompaloompa clothes.

 

_no…it couldn’t be…._

 

“i bet you weren’t expecting _me_ donald” said the oompaloompa.

 

“i admit, i wasn’t” replied donald. “you look wonderful”.

 

“i know right” , ah, his oompa, so confident.

 

“its not that i’m not happy to see you, but how did you get in, its, like, the whitehouse, and shit” asked a confused trump.

 

“i’m holding everyone in here hostage, no one can stand in the way of our love, trumpy” replied the oompaloompa.

 

“thats so mcfuckin romantic, c’mere” said donald.

 

then the oompaloompa and donald kissed passionately, knowing the oompaloompa would have to go soon, as america was still not ready to have an oompasexual as president.

 

 

*************************************************************************************************************

 

it had now been months of donald and the oompaloompa sneaking around. donald knew the oompaloompa was beyond ready to tell the world about them, but didn’t want to lose donald again. and donald was so grateful. 

 

but he was worried they had started being careless.

 

at the beginning of the affair, they had only been affetionate in private, but now they were becoming reckless. they began to hold hands under tables and would go out to eat. and up until recently, america thought nothing of it, just some no homo™ bros™ hanging out.

 

but then they almost got caught.

 

they had been having oompa _relations_ in a closet when _joe motherfucking biden_ cha cha’d _real smooth_ into the closet and asks if its the bathroom.

 

the oompaloompa, in a rage, bit joe biden’s ear off, and as joe is very scared of ear blood, he passed out. they ran away and joe biden decided that what he saw was probably a dream.

 

but donald was shaken. he decided it was best to end it his relationship with the oompaloompa before things got out of hand.

 

he sent the coca bean addict away.

 

*************************************************************************************************************

 

 

a year passed. then two.

 

 

donald hadn’t heard from the oompaloompa in all that time.

 

 until today.

 

donald had an unopened envelope in front of him from loompaland.

 

_“theres like an 82% chance its from him.”_ trump thought.

 

he ripped it open with his teeth.

 

“ _dear donald,_

 

_i miss you so much, i know you probably won't read this, but I'm sorry. for not fighting for us. for everything._

 

_i will aways love you,_

 

_your oompaloompa._

 

donald cried legit grape juice.

 

he needed to find his oompaloompa.

 

*************************************************************************************************************

 

2 months later he found him.

 

the oompaloompa was hiding in the abandoned myspace headquarters, only armed with white vans he stole from a kid named daniel.

 

they rekindled their love in myspace.

 

*************************************************************************************************************

 

donald eventually found the courage to come out.

 

there was an uproar, but it was worth it.

 

anything for the oompaloompa.

 

 

“ _i love you my oompaloompa” whispered donald”_

 

_“i love you, too, donald ‘i hate mexicans’ trump”._

 

 

 

 

fin.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry.
> 
> Please don't sue me, and also I can't believe that this shit is my first fic on here.
> 
>  
> 
>  


End file.
